


The Monsters We Swore On

by rebellsking



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Implied Relationships, Male-Female Friendship, Marauders' Era, Suspense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-16
Updated: 2015-06-16
Packaged: 2018-04-04 16:06:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4144011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rebellsking/pseuds/rebellsking
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On a mission for the Order, Sirius is forced to make an impossible decision, the kind of choice that robs you of yourself. The choice: James Potter or Lily Evans's life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Monsters We Swore On

Lily runs on stars, falling in the empty space between them. They burn beautifully under her eyelids, painfully in that she cannot ponder on them. She runs so hard her whole chest feels as if it may cave inwards. Her beating heart is a star that yearns to touch the sky.

She turns. The trees cloak the images of men, weaving in and out of sight, fading against the background of the forest. Her breath catches in her throat. She has to draw herself away, draw herself forward, though she longs to rest. The chase is not over.

Their furious cries ring out through the still air, like breaking through ice. The star in her chest is dimming. Her red hair spins around her heavily cloaked shoulders as she sprints through the clearing. She is a flower in summertime, torn from its stem, drifting down a shallow-bedded creek.

Night flashes under her eyes like the sun isn't hiding above the hoods of the trees. Reflections of green, and then nothingness, black and distant breathing that is her own, and green again, blurring both sides of her. The flickering images disorient her. A broken branch catches the toe of her boot, and she meets the ground.

Lily hisses at the contact. Browning leaves skid beneath her palms, and she rolls her body to the tree beside her. She wills to hide her whole body, and closes her eyes so that she might feel invisible.

Feet crunch leaves, only a short distance from her. She snaps her eyes open and her wand is drawn in defense.

Sirius Black stands with his hands up at his head. "Hey. It's only me."

Relieved but still pulsing with white-hot adrenaline, she snaps, "What the hell are you doing?"

"I saw you running."

"And you decided to come say  _hello_? Merlin, Black – get down here." She grabs at the hem of his leather jacket, and he stumbles down beside her.

"Did you get a look at who's chasing you?" He stretches his neck out from behind the tree, and she pulls him backwards.

"No," she tells him tersely. "They were aiming killing curses, though."

His eyes are wide with alarm.

She shakes her head. "It's not like I'm surprised."

"Still. You were outnumbered. That's not a fair fight."

"I don't imagine fairness is a Death Eater virtue."

"What happened? How did you get separated?"

"I was just following the mission. And then I noticed someone was following  _me_ ," she says. Her breath is short, as her exhaustion begins to catch up with her. "I thought I'd go somewhere quiet, ambush him, get him to tell me what he was trying to do. Before I knew it, there was ten of them, and I was alone, and cornered. I blasted a hole through the wall of the courtroom and, honestly, I've just been trying to lose them."

"I thought you were paired with James on this mission. He just let you wander off?"

"Pretty much."

"That doesn't sound like James."

"I know it doesn't. Tell  _him_  that. Lately I feel as if I just talk through him. I don't know what's wrong."

Briefly, Sirius looks concerned. But then his expression changes rather quickly. "I think I hear them," he whispers.

Lily's back stiffens as her ears confirm it. She reaches for Sirius. He looks at her, jaw clenched, one hand readying his wand. She nods, preparing for the fight. The moments that follow are white skies, glimmers of stars slipping in and out of the curtains. Lily is glad she is not alone in this.

"Trust me?" Sirius asks her. His light eyes, though unwavering, are wide and watery with fear. She realizes he means it— _does she?_ —and desperately needs an answer.

His fear finds her, confuses her, crosses the stars in her head. She says, instead, "What do you mean?" The air is coated with the blood of taunting as the men near. They are looking for her, but will find the both of them.

He frowns. It is a quick, sad thing, brows knitting together. But within a moment it is gone, and he takes both of her hands as he stands. His long body spills from behind the concealment of the tree, and he pulls her out of their brief sanctuary.

Her body is twisting her into the run before her mind understands that they are going. Stars scream at her. Fear envelops the dark corners of her brain, and everything is lit, glowing white. They run forward. The image of Sirius begins to blur with the white of her mind.

" _Where_  are we going?"

They leap over fallen logs and dart between broken rocks. The threat of capture and death pulses behind them like a lightning storm. Sirius doesn't answer her. Out from beneath the shade of the tall trees, Lily sees a house. It is old, and it looks like it is growing into the ground. Sirius darts towards it. They stumble onto the wooden porch and it creaks beneath their feet. Lily's heel balances in a blank space where a board has fallen. Sirius aggressively turns the door. He breathes deeply when it opens, and they fall behind its shelter.

When Lily has stumbled through, Sirius secures the door shut. Wood scrapes tightly against wood. After he has regained his breath, he notices Lily staring at him.

" _Well?_ " she demands.

"I like to think that I've got a sense of when death is about to make an entrance," he answers. "That felt a little too much like sacrifice for my comfort. Besides, fighting to the death is hardly my style."

"It's not like we're safe here, either. We're still just hiding."

"A hell of a lot safer than behind a tree, isn't it?"

"Yeah. You nearly got us both killed, but thanks." She rolls her eyes, and surveys their surroundings. The house is partially deserted, small decorations rusted over with dust and age. The windows are completely dimmed, the light only hardly touching their skin. A small ray of light falls through the door below the handle. Lily's nails trace the wood carvings in the door, curiously. She kneels down and lowers an eye to peer through the keyhole.

Sirius leans himself against the door, one shoulder pressed into the frame. He watches Lily as she combs over the outside. It is quiet, the air looming with an illusion of calm. It feels… false.

"Is there anybody there?"

Sirius jumps. It takes Lily a moment to register that it was not Sirius who had spoken.

Lily slowly turns, hands fitting themselves around the doorknob. It doesn't budge. Sirius yells a curse and the room lights up with red. Lily looks up, fear pounding against her heart like fervent knocking. A young man sits in a chair, unaffected. The color fades around him. He is perhaps only a few years over twenty, and laughter twists at his mouth. His blonde hair is like the white stars behind her eyes.

"Well?" he says. "Is there?"

"Charles Lovell," says Lily, daring. "You were kicked out of Hogwarts in your sixth year."

"I'm flattered. And, of course, I know all about  _you_ , Lily Evans." He spins a silver-edged blade, only the size of his palm, between his long fingers. He had deflected Sirius's spell without a wand. "You're something of a rare specimen, aren't you? A member of the Order  _and_  a mudblood. Everyone's dying to get their hands on you."

"Evidently," mutters Sirius without patience.

"You, Sirius, are simply a side dish," says Lovell, turning his attention. "An addendum to a plan. I suppose I've got Lily to thank for bringing you here."

"How do you mean that?" says Sirius. "You meant for her to come here?"

Lovell chuckles, humorlessly. "You might call her a wanted criminal. She's to be specially delivered to the Dark Lord tonight."

"Hardly the first threat I've ever received," bites Lily.

Suddenly, Lovell is on his feet, the chair clattering to the floor behind him. He draws a wand from his sleeve, and before either can react, he snarls, " _Petrificus Totalus_." Lily is covered in bright light and her body from her shoulders down goes straight and still. The spell licks fire at her spine. She squeezes her eyes in pain.

Lovell says flatly, "Don't speak unless spoken to, mudblood."

" _Don't_  touch her!" barks Sirius, throwing his own body in front of hers.

Lily exhales. It as if she's been restrained, though she is standing perfectly untouched. "I'm all right, Sirius."

Sirius attempts a counter spell, but without success. "Take the spell off of her," he snaps at Lovell.

"Oh,  _all right_ , since you asked so kindly." Lovell rolls his eyes. Dark laughter is heavy on the features of his face. He speaks as if he is delighted. "Kill me and it'll wear off."

"We're not monsters like you," says Lily. "We don't just kill people we don't like."

"No? Not even if I'm going to have  _you_  killed?"

"Try Azkaban," breathes Sirius. "I've heard it's worse than dying."

Lovell clicks his tongue. "Maybe. But I doubt we'll all live to see that."

" _Stupefy!_ "

But again, Lovell deflects Sirius's spell. He seems to do it even more casually than before. He shakes his head. "Try that again, and I'll stab your friend."

Sirius's eyes widen. He blinks, terrified. "Why aren't you trying to hurt me?"

"Well, I wouldn't flatter yourself. Really, I just don't care about you."

"Have me instead, then. Let her go and take me to your Dark Lord."

Lovell appears surprised by this exchange. "Isn't that an idea?" He treads a few steps, and taps his chin. "I'm afraid I still don't care about you, though. But I can give you a deal. Lily Evans isn't the only one wanted by the Dark Lord."

Sirius hesitates. "Who?"

"James Potter."

Lily closes her eyes. She does not need to see Sirius's face to know the pain that must be there. She can feel it herself, in her own chest, even paralyzed.

After a long and deliberate silence, Sirius says quietly, "What are you talking about?"

"You might have noticed his acting strangely."

Lily's eyes open. "What?" She thinks of James, letting her leave his side earlier. She thinks of speaking to him and growing angry with his lack of response. It begins to make sense, and it is heartbreaking.

"He's been under the Imperius for about a week," explains Lovell coolly. "The Dark Lord's got what he wants out of him. Now he wants him dead. When the day is done, Potter will be told to kill himself. By me. Naturally."

Lily gasps as if she's been struck. Sirius meets her eyes. His right hand is curled tightly, nails digging into his skin. He looks back at Lovell as he continues to speak.

"But I'm feeling merciful, so I'll give you a choice, Black."

Sirius carefully raises his chin. Challenging. "What is it?"

"Walk out of here with me. Your blood is pure. Your family is respected. You could be an asset to us. And then Lily will die, and I will lift the curse from James and let him live."

"Go to hell," spits Sirius.

"It's a rather easy choice. I've heard that you're close to Potter."

"He's like family," says Sirius. "Which is why that's not going to work. Give me a better deal."

"Listen," croaks Lily, who has begun to plead. "You don't have to do this, Lovell."

"Doesn't matter." He gazes at her, and the whites of his eyes are like burning galaxies.

"You don't  _want_  to do this," she insists.

"That doesn't matter, either. See, that's the thing about you all, the Order. You think you're better than us. You've had plenty of chances to kill me, Black, but you chose to try to stun me instead. If you were really as strong as you think you are, you'd end this right now. But you  _can't_."

"Who says I can't?"

Lovell raises his chin. His eyes are dancing with fire. "You'd die for your friends," he says. "But would you kill for them?"

Sirius's chest rises and falls slowly. His eyes are glinting dangerously. After a moment, he answers evenly, "Yes."

"Perhaps you're a Black after all," Lovell laughs. "Well, that's that then. I think it's time we have an answer. Time is of the essence." He flicks his wand. Around them, the floors begin to glow, and the room is basked in heat. Small flames rise from the ground, and in seconds they grow to fire. "Literally."

" _What are you_ —"

"Just a little added incentive." He bounces his silver blade off the back of his knuckles, casually. "What will it be, Black?"

Lily cries out as the fire inches towards them. "Sirius," she says. He turns towards her, the burden heavy in his eyes. "You asked me before if I trusted you. And I do. I trust you."

Briefly, he closes his eyes. When he opens them, they are filled with tears. He looks away from her.

"Sirius," she quavers.

He looks at Lovell. "The Blacks are not my family. James is my family. Lily…" And there is a pause, for the inevitable conclusion. She feels as if she's been struck with a knife, before he's even said it. "I'm sorry."

"Don't," she begs. But she knows. She is scared, and it hurts. But she knows.

She watches Sirius walk to Lovell. Lovell's face is lit with sadistic pleasure.

"You are just  _too_  predictable, Black," he says. "Maybe you're something to care about after all. Your family will be pleased when they hear, won't they?"

Sirius's right hand tightens, again. The fire glows off his skin. "They're not my family. I told you." He glances at his feet and then looks up. "I have one. A proper one. And it's not just James."

There is only one single moment for Lovell to look surprised before Sirius punches him in the face. The man falls backwards, hands sinking into the burning wood. Sirius retrieves his knife and steadies it. Lovell continues to laugh. The fire wavers behind his head, laughing with him. But then it is all gone. Lovell's laugh dies out abruptly as Sirius plunges the knife into him and slices his throat.

Lily collapses to the ground as the spell breaks, and gasps loudly for breath. With proper agency of her body once again, she scrambles to her feet, away from the fire. It lights the tears on her face, making them shine. The heat has seemed to dissolve her bones whole. She looks to Sirius, sees the white stars dancing on his skin. He's entirely still. Lovell is even more still. His blood is seeping through the ground, where the fire will move to consume it entirely soon. His blood is bright on Sirius, on his hands, on his clothes, surrounding him. He hasn't moved yet.

"Sirius," she says. For some reason, she is gentle. "We need to leave."

He complies wordlessly, letting her take him out of the house. When they are outside, they stand and watch the fire envelop the building. The burning flame becomes both of their eyes.

Sirius looks to her, softly. "You're my family, too."

She nods. "I know."

He looks down. A light wind whispers through the trees, and Sirius is trembling from the impact of it.

Lily moves forward and takes his hand in her own. The blood coats both of their skins. "We all have blood on our hands," she tells him, and doesn't look away from his face.

He grips her hand tighter. The fire fans across their faces, flickering their breaking features. And she feels that they are both burning stars, colliding against a time that moves slower than their own. Feather soft raindrops begin to dance through the trees, and they brush Lily's skin.

Sirius turns his face upwards, welcoming it. He closes his eyes and the rain trails down his cheeks in streams. If he is crying, Lily isn't able to tell. The tears and the rain become seamless. And then Sirius says, as if he might be thinking aloud, "Maybe we're all the monsters we swore we'd never become."

And Lily turns her face towards the sky, too, thinking,  _Maybe so_.


End file.
